Are You For Real You Despicable Whore?
I can’t fucking believe the shit I’m bout to say is actually the truth. No, it wasn’t a prank call. Bitch was more therial than Al Gore in south park’s manbearpig episode.
I’m working at jimmy johns and the phone rings. FUCK. Lady starts off by saying “this is gonna be a really odd request but…” and in my head I’m preparing myself for the worst. She continues with “… could u see if any of your employees there were working this past Friday, I need some help figuring something out.” ( for the record, this call happened Monday at 8:30 am). I say, “actually, I’m the only employee here right now and I have to open the store by myself by 10:30 am.” That information didn’t seem to phase her, she could care less if she was about to waste my time. She says “well, here’s my problem… I’m almost positive my husband is cheating on me and he went to jimmy johns Friday, I just don’t know what time he went. What I do know is that if hes cheating on me, theres only 1 lady it could be and I know her well and I know what she looks like. I was wandering if I could describe them to one of your employees who was there friday so they could tell me if they saw my husband with that lady.”
. . . . . . . . .
MOTHER FUCKER I JUST told you that I’m the ONLY employee here.
I say “mam… I’m the only employee here right now. I’m opening the store by myself. There’s no way of knowing if your husband came with that lady, sorry.”
she says “Well doesn’t your store have cameras?”
This is the point in time where I lose my fucking mind.
Not only have u already wasted enough of my precious opening time by asking me these worthless questions, but you are now going above and beyond by asking me a question that if I answered yes to, you would then ask me to do you a favor which would take me 2-3 full days to complete…
You want me to go get the camera recording for friday and review it specifically looking for your husband and a lady. BITCH we have 1,000 faces per day coming into our store and your asking me to pause and zoom in 1,000 times to see if the people match the description you gave me? Do you have the slightest motherfucking clue how absurd, unrealistic and especially insulting that is, you child hoe. You have the brain of a ten year old. You have no clue how the world works, how to function normally in society or even how to co-exist with other living beings. No wonder your husband is cheating on you… I could guarantee that you are more horrid looking than an overweight manatee with lepracy and your fuck hole is so rancid and dry that even a Sidewinder snake in the middle of the Sahara desert
on 8 drops of acid seeking shelter during a nuclear holocaust
would find itself slithering away from you, gladly welcoming the worst death possible.
This is a restaurant, not a private eye detective firm. Here, we make sandwiches. We don’t review cameras and conduct investigations. Who the fuck do you think you are anyways? Even if we did have cameras, what makes you think I owe you that favor? I wouldn’t even do this for the president of USA. You would have to be a clean and beautiful pornstar insuring me headfuck daily for 365 days as a reward, in order for me to carry out your shitty request. Knowing that people like you walk this earth, but not only walk this earth, walk on the very ground that my feet touch, makes me want to shave my dick and ass with a rusty razor blade without using any shaving cream and create a noose out of my pubes, ( I have crabs and somewhere along the way those crabs inbred fucked and produced downs syndrome crabs who started buttfucking, contracting HIV as a result) break into your home, set up a 72 inch screen on all 4 walls of your bedroom, tie my noose to your ceiling fan, put the noose around your neck, staple your eyelids open, slit your wrists and throat, turn the ceiling fan on high, and then turn the 4 screens on showing your husband completely dominating 3 black midgets in every hole they have, so your last visions here on Earth would be you watching your husband cheat on you as your blood splatters over everything, descending ever so slowly down the walls, such as your soul after you die, descending into Hell so you may be eternally tortured by Satan himself.
There’s nothing more I can say to or about you. Holy shit lady.
