Bowling

Dear Genius,

Thank you so motherfucking much for creating this sport.  You made it so the audience has to sit behind the bowler.   No side view, no front view, just asshole.  Never in my life have I seen so much white girlbutt bent over in my face.  The most perfect and legal exploitation of ass I have ever seen.   Bitches love wearing short shorts when they bowl.  If you step foot into a bowling alley looking to get laid, beware…  every slut wearing pants has a dick.  It is common woman law that if you go bowling you must wear the most scandalous pair of shorts you can possibly imagine.   I’m just fucking glad that the silverback gorilla twins are pro at tennis and not bowling.                            WHITE POWER!

Are You For Real You Despicable Whore?

I can’t fucking believe the shit I’m bout to say is actually the truth.  No, it wasn’t a prank call.   Bitch was more therial than Al Gore in south park’s manbearpig episode.

I’m working at jimmy johns and the phone rings.  FUCK.   Lady starts off by saying “this is gonna be a really odd request but…” and in my head I’m preparing myself for the worst.  She continues with “… could u see if any of your employees there were working this past Friday, I need some help figuring something out.” ( for the record, this call happened Monday at 8:30 am).  I say, “actually, I’m the only employee here right now and I have to open the store by myself by 10:30 am.”  That information didn’t seem to phase her, she could care less if she was about to waste my time.   She says “well, here’s my problem… I’m almost positive my husband is cheating on me and he went to jimmy johns Friday, I just don’t know what time he went.  What I do know is that if hes cheating on me, theres only 1 lady it could be and I know her well and I know what she looks like.   I was wandering if I could describe them to one of your employees who was there friday so they could tell me if they saw my husband with that lady.”

. . . . . . . . .

MOTHER FUCKER I JUST told you that I’m the ONLY employee here.
I say “mam… I’m the only employee here right now.   I’m opening the store by myself.    There’s no way of knowing if your husband came with that lady, sorry.”

she says “Well doesn’t your store have cameras?”
This is the point in time where I lose my fucking mind.

Not only have u already wasted enough of my precious opening time by asking me these worthless questions, but you are now going above and beyond by asking me a question that if I answered yes to, you would then ask me to do you a favor which would take me 2-3 full days to complete…

You want me to go get the camera recording for friday and review it specifically looking for your husband and a lady.   BITCH we have 1,000 faces per day coming into our store and your asking me to pause and zoom in 1,000 times to see if the people match the description you gave me? Do you have the slightest motherfucking clue how absurd, unrealistic and especially insulting that is, you child hoe.   You have the brain of a ten year old.   You have no clue how the world works, how to function normally in society or even how to co-exist with other living beings.   No wonder your husband is cheating on you… I could guarantee that you are more horrid looking than an overweight manatee with lepracy and your fuck hole is so rancid and dry that even a Sidewinder snake in the middle of the Sahara desert
on 8 drops of acid seeking shelter during a nuclear holocaust
would find itself slithering away from you, gladly welcoming the worst death possible.

This is a restaurant, not a private eye detective firm.   Here, we make sandwiches. We don’t review cameras and conduct investigations.   Who the fuck do you think you are anyways?   Even if we did have cameras, what makes you think I owe you that favor?   I wouldn’t even do this for the president of USA.  You would have to be a clean and beautiful pornstar insuring me headfuck daily for 365 days as a reward, in order for me to carry out your shitty request.  Knowing that people like you walk this earth, but not only walk this earth, walk on the very ground that my feet touch, makes me want to shave my dick and ass with a rusty razor blade without using any shaving cream and create a noose out of my pubes, ( I have crabs and somewhere along the way those crabs inbred fucked and produced downs syndrome crabs who started buttfucking, contracting HIV as a result) break into your home, set up a 72 inch screen on all 4 walls of your bedroom, tie my noose to your ceiling fan, put the noose around your neck, staple your eyelids open, slit your wrists and throat, turn the ceiling fan on high, and then turn the 4 screens on showing your husband completely dominating 3 black midgets in every hole they have, so your last visions here on Earth would be you watching your husband cheat on you as your blood splatters over everything, descending ever so slowly down the walls, such as your soul after you die, descending into Hell so you may be eternally tortured by Satan himself.

There’s nothing more I can say to or about you.  Holy shit lady.

Elephant Orgy ?

Excuse me King Babar and Dumbo,

I would greatly appreciate if you cocksucking faggots would quit training for the Barnum and Bailey Circus all day every day on my ceiling.  What are you fucking clowns doing up there?  This is an apartment complex.  This isn’t your house.  I can hear every God damn noise up there, I just can’t pinpoint what the fuck is going on.  Have some respect for people that live below you.  Please, I want to know, what the fuck could you possibly be doing 20 hours a day 7 days a week that causes me to think 2 elephants with steel boots are completing an obstacle course designed for dogs and finishing the race with a nice buttfucking as a reward?  WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!  Some days, it sounds like all the furniture you have in every single room is on a train track.  And all you fucking idiots do is push around the furniture along the tracks, never making  a pitstop, because there is never any motherfucking silence.  The weird thing is though, I have never seen any of you idiots leave your apartment.  I don’t know what any of you look like.  I don’t even know how many of you African Sea Donkeys live up there.  None of you ever leave your apartment.  Like, does anybody even live up there?  Are there 2 ghosts of elephants wearing prison chains and shackles just playing hopscotch and jumprope?  I don’t fucking understand how you assholes can be so selfish and inconsiderate.  There are 2 possibilites:

#1.)  Like I said, you are rude, selfish and inconsiderate bitches that don’t give a fuck about anybody except for yourselves.

#2.)  You are the dumbest most clueless bitches in my city and you are 100% unaware and ignorant to the fact that you are creating more noise than a Hydrogen Bomb being detonated inside a room with the best acoustics the world has ever seen.

Whether it is possibility number 1 or 2, in the end, you are all still stupid motherfucking bitches.

 

I’m considering setting up a camping tent on the 3rd floor hallway so I can see who the fuck lives above me.  Once I find out who they are, I will watch what car they go to in the parking lot.  Once I know what car they drive, I will no longer care how much noise they make.  Your 4 tires will be torn up like a virgin porn stars pussy after she got finished with her gangbang scene that included 10 black dudes that just underwent penis enlargement surgery.  Your car doors, hood, trunk and even the top of your car will have more scratches on it than a tuna fish covered it cat-nip tied on a string and dangled in a nursery pen with a bunch of down syndrome cats that are in heat.  I’m not the type of bitch pussy that is going to go to the front office and file a noise complaint.  That accomplishes nothing.  What I will do, is start writing horrible horrible notes that will turn you suicidal and I will duct tape, horse glue, and wet fucking cement them to your apartment door and car.  What I really want to do is buy a pistol, be sitting in my living room, and accidentally fire 1 shot into the ceiling.  Maybe I will get lucky and shoot one of you in the pussy.

Man Punches Woman & She Goes Into Coma

Today I read an article on yahoo.com,

After reading the article I was utterly disgusted.  I was even more disgusted when I read all the comments on the article.

There was a 4’11′ latino woman in a parking lot (grocery store maybe? doesn’t matter.  she was in some public parking lot.) and a 5’7″ black guy was driving around trying to find a spot when he pulled up to the woman only to find out she was blocking the parking spot so her boyfriend could come park there later.  The man confronted the woman and they got into an argument.  The man claims that the woman punched him, and in self defense he punched her back once as a “reflex”.  Unfortunately, the woman was hit so hard, she fell backwards and was in a coma immediately upon landing on the ground.   The man fled the scene.

That’s all the info that the article gives.  Here are my thoughts on this incident:

Its horrible that she ended up in a coma.  It is not horrible that she got punched.  Here is why:  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE saving a parking spot in a public place?  You aren’t the president, you aren’t a foreign ambassador, you aren’t the mayor, governor, police officer or even a county judge.  You are nobody.  Nothing.  You cannot block a parking spot so your boyfriend can come park there in 5 minutes.  Parking spots are public spots that are a first come first serve basis.  FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE.  A/K/A  No, you cannot save this spot for anybody, because you are nobody.  Also, if the woman did throw the first punch, she definitely deserved to be punched back.  Yes, 99% of the time, you should not hit a woman if you are a man.  HOWEVER, if the woman throws the first punch, the man then has all the right in the world to hit the woman back.  Disregard gender…. DISREGARD IT.  If HUMAN “A”   punches  HUMAN “B”  , then HUMAN “B” is going to hit back HUMAN “A”.  That’s how things work.  Ever heard the phrase, ” An eye for an eye “   ?   It pisses me off to think that all the women of the world walk around with the mentality that they can punch a man no matter what the circumstance and the woman has 100% immunity from being hit back.  There is not a law stating men cannot hit women.  It is only frowned upon.  Coma?  No, definitely doesn’t deserve to be in a coma.  Punched in the face?  Yes, definitely deserved a punch in the face.   Women have been demanding equality for years and years and years.  If you want equality, don’t be so shocked when you get smacked in your ugly fucking face when you punch me first for no motherfucking reason.  You stinky bitch.  End of story.

Driving and Using Your Cell Phone

Reading articles on banning cell phones while driving makes me sick.  Here are just a few thoughts:

 

- Everybody says the cell phone is a distraction while driving.  I can think of at least 50 other things/activities while driving that are a distraction.  None of those 50 things/activities have been talked about being banned or against the law.

-For a lot of people, being on the phone is absolutely imperative.  Lots of those times, the person who absolutely must be using the cell phone, is driving.

 

-Emergencies happen.  Most emergencies are shared with family/friends/coworkers through the use of a cell phone.  Many people receive news of emergencies while they are driving.

 

-Government or State, are you seriously trying to tell me I cannot talk on or text with my cell phone while I am driving my car? L O L @ U.  (Laughing out loud at you.)  You will never, in any fashion, be able to effectively disable/prevent people from using their cell phone while driving.  You have no right to tell a person that they are not allowed to talk to another person while driving a car.  That’s complete BS.

 

Bob Siedel’s post:

“Hands-free cell phones are just as distracting, because although most of us can talk with a phone in one hand while driving with the other, we cannot keep our minds on the road when someone is seizing our attention without regard to the environment in which we are listening. This is what “cognitive distraction” means, and, as the release points out, existing studies show that whether or not the cell phone is in your hand or in your dash, the effect of cognitive distraction is the same.”

 

Quote from National Safety Council’s White Paper: “The white paper includes references to more than 30 scientific studies and reports, describing how using a cell phone, hands-free or handheld, requires the brain to multitask – a process it cannot do safely while driving.”

 

……..

 

Let’s just say for example, there is a person driving who is wearing a wireless bluetooth headset and the person receives a call and the person starts talking on the bluetooth headset. (I understand that hands-free talking isn’t banned in any state.  Only holding the cell phone and talking is banned in some places.  I keep reading, however, that hands-free cell phone use is just as distracting as using your cell phone to talk.  Hmmmmmm… this is where I’m confused.)  There is no difference between this driver talking through a wireless headset and this driver talking to a passenger who is inside the car with him.  You realize that, don’t you?  Me driving and having a phone conversation on a wireless headset is the EXACT SAME THING as me driving and having a conversation with a person inside my car.  The conclusion I am forced to draw from that information is that the act of verbal speech is just too much for the brain to handle while driving and we shouldn’t speak.   Are you now going to tell me that I cannot talk to the people riding in my own car with me?  That all drivers must be absolutely silent.  I DOUBT IT!

 

-Now, like my 1st thought said, there’s tons of distractions.  Anything the human eye can see, could be a distraction.  It all depends on how that individual person decides to process that which their eyeball sees.  Literally everything under the sun can be deemed a distraction in regards to the individual person.  Not every human shares the same sources of distraction nor the amount of time a certain source may distract them for.  Some things can be more distracting to some than others.  Meaning, do you see a billboard and want to continue looking at it?  Or do you see a billboard and immediately look away back to the road?  Oh hey, look at that huge buzzard eating that roadkill.  Oh hey, look at this bag of drugs I just bought.  Oh hey, look at that pretty lady pulled over on the side of the road with a flat tire.  A 20 year old guy will be more distracted by a pretty lady pulled over than a 55 year old woman would be by the same pretty lady pulled over.  A woman may be more distracted by perfume on a billboard than would be a man.  If a person causes an accident because they were using their cell phone, it is because the person is too mentally weak to decide to not let the cell phone be too much of a distraction so that they couldn’t successfully accomplish the more important task at hand(driving the car).  The cell phone, did not cause the accident.  The person driving caused the accident.

 

-You want to ban text messaging while driving?  Well, get ready to ban changing your radio station, taking out and putting in a new CD, inputting information into your onstar or any other navigation system on your front panel.  It’s the same thing… you’re taking your eyes and 1 hand off the road/wheel for a given amount of time whether you are text messaging or doing one of the 3 tasks I just typed in the previous sentence.  Changing the radio station, changing CD’s, adjusting your onstar/navi device screen on your dashboard and text messaging, ALL have caused accidents and death.  Yet, nobody wants to ban radio, cd’s, or navi devices… just cell phones.  Neat guys, neat.  You can’t accurately say, for a majority of the population, that using a cell phone is more distracting or keeps your eyes off the road longer than another activity.  Why?  Because every human is individual, and we all individually decide how much concentration and time to put into an activity.  When I text message, I have my eyes off the road for 2 seconds at a time.  When I’m changing radio stations or adjusting my navigation, I have my eyes off the road for about 4 seconds at a time.  In my specific, individual situation, I can argue that using my cell phone is the least distracting activity. Therefor, it would make more sense, in my specific situation, to ban me from using radio and navigation.  All I see in every article I read in relation to cell phones and driving is that the cell phone is the most distracting thing for all drivers.  The simple opinion, whom everybody seems to think is a fact : “The cell phone is a distraction while driving.” , simply isn’t true.  Why?  Because it isn’t a distraction for me nor is it for many others.  So stop saying it like it’s a definitive truth about everybody.  If you view the cell phone to be a distraction, it is because you know it distracts you.  And you account for yourself, not anybody else.  Like I’ve stated multiple times, I will reiterate once more because I find it necessary, just because something distracts you, doesn’t mean that same something is a distraction for somebody else.

 

With that in mind, lets make an example :  5% of drivers who text message get in wrecks.  So, we should ban text messaging.  Really?  Well 5% of America is allergic to peanuts.  Should we ban the production of peanuts also?  The same thing went for school sports… if one person on a team did something bad, the entire team got punished.  Are you willing to punish 97 % of America, because the other 3 % cannot successfully text message while driving?  Good idea.  Some people suck and are incompetent, so let’s punish the rest of America.  That’s what I’m being told.  Sick.

 

Furthermore, what this tells me is : Our government doesn’t have the slightest idea how to solve the problem of people getting in a wreck while using a cell phone.  A small percentage of drivers get in a wreck while using the phone.  Not everybody gets in a wreck while using their phone.  Our government wants to punish everybody because they don’t know how to specifically target those that suck at using their phone while driving.  Passing these laws will accomplish/solve nothing.  Everybody who uses their phone while driving will continue to use their cell phone while driving after the law is passed in their state.  Few people will abide by that law.  Why?  Because it’s ridiculous.  Police officers, good luck putting the law into effect.  How will you know if a person has a cell phone in their lap they just put there because they saw you driving by or pulled over on the side of the road up ahead? If some ridiculous ass phone law gets passed in my state, believe me when I tell you, I will continue to use my phone while driving and I will be laughing the entire time.  If i see you, mr. cop, pulled over, driving in front or behind me, I will say to whoever I’m talking to, ” 1 sec , cop, putting phone down for a sec.”, and when the cop is gone, guess what?… phone goes back up to my ear.  Good luck guys, putting this one into effect.  Pointless.

 

TO SUM ALL THIS UP:

There are many different sources for distraction and every individual person chooses how long a specific source will distract themself for.  Just because something is distracting for you, doesn’t mean that same something is distracting for somebody else.  The cell phone isn’t a distraction for everybody.  A small percentile of people get in a wreck while texting.  The government wants to punish every person in America because they can’t figure out a way to keep the small percent of people who can’t text and drive from texting and driving.  And it is all sickening.

Disgusted at the Gym

Yo Faggot,

Take off your New York Yankees baseball cap which is sitting sideways upon your oddly shaped head.  You look like the fucking Chuckee-Cheeze Rat.  This is the gym.  If you were unclear as to what a  gym is used for, I will tell you :  At the gym, people go to work out.  That means, lift weights or do cardio shit.  It doesn’t mean participate in a motherfucking fashion show.  Gyms aren’t places where all wanna-be-thugs unite.  How insecure are you?  I fucking hate you.

Also… you fucking pussies who stare other people down while you are there, and I mean… STAAAARE DOOOWN, as you walk by… what the FUCK are you looking at?  Can we not show up, work out and leave?  Why do you find it abso-fucking-lutely necessary to try to be a fucking thug with your 2 boys standing behind you giving wierd ” I’ma beat yo ass punk ” stares at us normal people while we work out.  What kind of statement are you trying to make you fucking queer?  NOT ONCE, have I seen you show up to the gym by yourself… you only come when your 2 or 6 friends are there with you.  PUSSY.  This isn’t a recreation center for wiggers or gangs or insecure fucks who won’t say a word or look at another person in the face unless they got their goons by their side.  This isn’t your fucking territory.  This isn’t the Bronx, its not the ghetto… its the fuckin gym bitch.  Look at me one more time and I’m going to impale you, through your dick and out your asshole, with the 45lb. benchpress bar.  You idiots make me sick to my fucking stomach.  Next time you stare me down I’m going to ask if you want to pleasure me orally only to find out the answer is yes.  Than I will hate myself.  FUCK OFF.

Things That Cause Violence

I’m going to be short on this one because if I spent as much time as I should typing on this subject I would infuriate myself to the point of punching everything in this room.

School shootings, mall shootings, random suicides….  all tragedies.  Terrible, terrible tragedies.

What I hate hearing most about this subject, is when parents and teachers or any authority figure for that matter lays blame on #1 – movies, #2 – music, #3 – video games.

GIVE ME A MOTHERFUCKING BREAK YOU CLUELESS FUCK.

Random Mother : ” The reason so many school shootings are happening is because of the violent video games and awful music and movie plots that are influencing our children today!”

My response to this random mother : “Hey bitch, you clearly didn’t graduate high school.  Here is why :  Kids who shoot up their schools #1 are born fucked in the head.  #2 the bullies and assholes who roam the school and make other kids lives miserable caused that child to bring a gun and shoot everybody. #3 their parents most likely did an awful job as a parent.  They were too busy to talk to their kids, see what they were doing in their free time, see who they were hanging out with, where they went with their friends, what type of drugs they did, what they ordered off the internet, what they bought at the Academy.. etc.   It’s their fucking fault too, bitch, that their child has brutally murdered everybody at school.”

Stop blaming music, movies and games for the violence.

Blame the person who committed the crime.  They were born mentally fucked.  Blame the bullies who picked on them.  Blame the parents for sucking at parenting.

Starbucks

STARBUCKS DUDE! FUCK YA! LETS GO BRO!

…….

#1 – Why do you find it necessary to go to starbucks every god damn day of your life.  You have an addiction, find help.  More and more every day, your teeth look like you let every stray dog in Mexico City piss in your mouth.  More and more every day, your breath smells worse than 1,000 stink bugs having an orgy inside of a mortuary that is burning down.

#2 – Some of you go just because you think you are cool as fuck.  YO BRO, let’s meet up at the local bux and chill in the lounge and be social with our scarves, wool caps and denim in this 103 degree weather during the hottest summer ever recorded.  Everybody at school hates us, so let’s pretend we are somebody while we are here at Starfucks.  HEY BRO, what do you think these random customers will think of us when they walk in and we’re over in the corner having a group study session?  Do you think they will think we are smart and important?  Do you think they will think we are somebody?  Do you think they will think “Damn, I wish I was friends with those people over there in the corner.  I’d like to approach them and ask if I may join them and become their pals.”

#3 – You drink more coffee than water.  What the fuck?

#4 – If you must… go inside, get your coffee you addicted crack hoe and get the fuck out.  Why do you find it necessary to bring your laptop in there, pay for 6 hours of their internet, when you could be at home using your internet and not pay 5.00 an hour for a slow, congested, wireless connection.  It disgusts me to see people basically living inside Starbucks.  You have a home.  Go there now.

Stop letting Starbucks run your life.

No, I am not a Foldger’s spokesperson.  I hate coffee.  A lot.  And all the moca loca boka joka shit out there.

In The Apartment Complex

Hey asshole,

The speed limit is 5 for a reason.  This is a parking lot, not the high way.  If I look out my window one more time and see you almost hit that kid, believe me, I will do a swan dive off of my balcony and proceed to beat your skull in with my plastic woofle bat.  Nobody in this complex thinks you’re a badass for speeding around the place.  Roll your windows up and turn your shitty rap down too.  You’re a fucking loser.

Random thought :  If the gate is closed and you are trying to get in but you don’t know the code, pull up a little bit and U-Turn.  You are able to make that u-turn for a reason.  Don’t make me wait behind you while you take out your cell phone and make call after call to your buddy who isn’t answering their phone.  I know the gate code.  You clearly do not.  Get the fuck out of my way prick bitch.

Racism

For most, its a touchy subject.  For me, I find it to be bullshit, an excuse to get mad.  Let me explain a little bit…

A white person calls me a nig*er.  I’m going to get SOOOOO PISSED OFF AND OFFENDED AND START PARADING AROUND AND HOOTING AND HOLLERING AND MAKE A HUGE ASS SCENE.  Why?  Because that word is RACIST!

A black person calls me a cracker or honkey.  I’m going to get red-faced and extremely offended and tell the person to shut the fuck up.  Why?  Because that word is RACIST!

One thing I’ve seen happen a lot throughout my school days is this :  A black person in a group will call a white kid a cracker or honkey and the group of black people start laughing and think its hilarious.  The teacher, or authority figure, does nothing, says nothing.

A white person in a group of white kids calls a black kid a nig*er and instantly the black kid has an expression on his face like he just witnessed his mom and dad get shotgun blasted in the face from 2 feet away.  The teacher immediately sends the white kid to the office and the atmosphere of the room turns from hilarity to somberness.

The conclusion I have come to… and its a saddening conclusion… is that it has become socially acceptable, for some odd reason, for black people to easily get away with being racist to white people, but the second the “n” word is voiced, all Hell breaks loose.  Why is that?  Does the majority of the white man have some deep-rooted feeling of regret and sorriness that slavery once occurred?  Does the majority of the white man think, ” oh shit, white people once enslaved black people, so they are justified in this generation to say honkey and cracker and not get in trouble for it.  The white people of this generation had nothing to do with slavery.  It happened generations ago.   Black people of this generation… you are not a slave, nor were you ever a slave, nor will you ever be a slave.  Get over it.  I’m not sitting here supporting slavery or saying it was awesome, because it wasn’t.  It was fucking bullshit.  My point is, too many black people today are so bent up on the fact that blacks were once enslaved that they practically live their lives like they are still enslaved or just became free 2 weeks ago.  A lot of black people today live their life with resentment towards white people because whites once enslaved blacks.  ITS 2010 !  Shut the fuck up.  Black people, the world does not hate you, you hate yourselves.  You call each other nig*ers.  You are being racist against your own race!  If you are going to belittle yourselves, don’t be so quick to anger when somebody else belittles you.

Also, racist terms are just words.  When somebody uses a racist term against me, I don’t shit my pants.  I ignore it.  It’s a word.  It did not inflict physical harm upon me.  It did not kill me.  A word is a word.

One can be racist verbally.  One can carry out a physical act of racism.  We will never be able to stop whites, mexicans, blacks and asians from physically hurting each other.  We can, however, eliminate verbal racism.  People will always use the words, but ignore the words.  Just simply fucking ignore the fucking words people.  Bullies at school thrive because they get a reaction out of somebody.  Once the big bullies that pick on people stop getting reactions, they fucking back off.  It’s no longer fun for them.  If you stop getting pissed off when you hear the word honkey , cracker, jew, spic, nigger, etc. People will stop saying it.  Why?  Because they will get no satisfaction of hurting that person.  People use racist terms to anger that person, to set them off, to make their blood boil.  Stop getting angry when you hear that racial slur, stop being set off when you hear that racial slur, don’t let your blood boil when you hear that racial slur.  Don’t react when you hear that racial slur.  Keep walking, turn your cheek, smile or laugh at that person.  This will end verbal racism.